Talk around the tables at the ECWT office often turns to our relationship with our spouses. Yes, un- and under-employed people think about more than where the next job is coming from. We are also concerned about minding our intimate relationships!
It’s probably best to say at the outset that all of the ECWT coordinators who are married have supportive spouses. That’s not just a protective comment, it has the added merit of being true. While unemployment adds a strain to a family, and to a marriage relationship, having a partner who is employed eases the financial strain on a family. The partner’s income can provide an unemployed person a cushion of time in which to explore other options.
Indeed, were it not for employed spouses of the core of ECWT coordinators, this effort would not exist. (Big thanks to them.)
The flip side of the coin is that being unemployed can hinder our ability to be the kind of partner we would like to be. Being unemployed adds stress on us. We worry not just about whether our family will survive the current economic hardship, we feel bad about not being an equal participant in providing for our families.
In theory, we can contribute to family life by doing some extra home projects, and preparing and having special meals ready for our spouse / children when they come home. We can tend our social networks by helping neighbors with projects and volunteering in the community. We can even contribute by taking care of ourselves – getting back on that bicyle, working out at the gym, doing other “self-improvement” efforts.
In some ways this seems like the perfect time to being doing those things. We have time. We’re not tied to a work schedule. We’re home, and can start making a special meal at 2:00 in the afternoon instead of boiling water for boxed macaroni 15 minutes before dinner.
But all those things take energy, not just physical energy, but emotional energy. And, oddly enough, those of us who are un- and under-employed don’t always have a lot of extra energy.
Being unemployed isn’t a fulltime job, but it takes a lot of energy! It takes time and energy to review our lives, and think about what we want to do next. It takes a lot of energy to fight off depression and self-pity. It takes a lot of energy to get out of the house when we’re worried about what the neighbors think of us, and when we’re not sure what to say when people ask, “How are you doing?” It takes sustained effort to feel good about ourselves, and to revise our sense of identity now that it’s no longer tied to a job. It takes energy to create and sustain a schedule in the absence of the rhythm of a job. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to mail out that next resume when the last 100 did no good, and it’s pretty clear that the company we’re contacting has no jobs available.
Our ECWT motto is, “We are strong. We are creative. We are an asset to our community.” That’s true. It’s especially true when we’re at our best. Right now, however, it’s hard to be at our best. In fact, we’re rarely at our best.
But we continue. We support each other. We cry when we must, and laugh when we can. We thank our spouses for what they give us, when that’s not too painful to do.
And, we do what we can to help Elkhart County Works Together.
What can you do to help Elkhart County work together?
